Dylan's Legacy (Faramir/Jed)

[stuntie_jed]

Howard insists we film today, then takes off, leaving us with the A.D., fucking bastard. I get into it though, glad of the hard work taking my mind off things. Too much piled up shit going on, between Glory and Dylan and everything else, I've just had enough.

And I'm getting nervous about the blackouts, had another one the day after Dylan died. Ran into Karl at the hotel, he was smiling and I said hello, and then . . . I blinked, and he was glaring at me. ”Get the fuck away from me, Jed. What the fuck’s your problem? You’re acting like a nutter.”

I’ve got no memory of saying anything off to him. I’m wondering if I've got a tumor or something else wrong with my head. I should see a doc, but I'm almost scared of the answer. If I'm gonna cark it from something gruesome, maybe I'd rather it just sneak up on me and pounce than sit there waiting for death to come get me.



Faramir: Work on the movie has proceeded, though this 'inquest' into the cause of Dylan's death has preoccupied many of our minds. It has been hard to stay focused on our work. Twice, we have had visitors arrive, and though each of them seemed to have nothing to do with the inquest, their arrival cause tension and worry among those of us who might be called upon to testify. Karl's worried glances my way were understandable, though I feel he trusts me to not reveal my identity.

This morning, the gossip traveling about is that the inquest is over. Dylan's death has been ruled a suicide, and his family will be able to conduct whatever ceremony of passing they wish to hold. I feel my own sense of relief at this, and I know Karl does as well. I received a quick clap on the back and a whispered 'it's over' from him, and during our lunch break, even Chris was a little more talkative and nearly smiled a few times.

I am worried about Jed, though. If anything, he has reacted with more tension, and I was forced to fight harder than called for at times, resulting in scenes that apparently pleased Howard no end, but give me cause for concern. As the day ends, we all trail off our separate directions. I seek out Jed and find him shrugging into his jacket in the new trailer we have used since the former wardrobe trailed was turned into storage space.

"You fought well today." I give you a pointed look. "Surprisingly well. You have earned some rest. Will you allow me to buy you food and drink in town tonight?"

Jed: So Dylan offed himself. It's what we were all expecting and likely . . . hoping for. Because to think that one of us did that . . . suicide is the lesser evil. But fuck if it makes me feel better. Dylan is like some sort of warped fucking mirror of me.

I'm fucking stuffed after brawling all day and now you're giving me the questioning eyeball. Never pass up a free meal though, even if I think I should be treating you. Especially after all the slag going on around here. Sure you weren't expecting that.

"Yeah, mate, I'll join ya. But I'm sorry fucking company, long as you could giva . . ."

Faramir: "I would still be glad for your company, Jed." You look about as exhausted as I feel, to be honest. "There is no guarantee that I will be the most exciting dinner companion, either. This has been a very long day. But, you are my oldest friend around here, are you not?" I try to nudge a smile from you with that. "Who better to share food and complaints with?"

Jed: You're fucking weird, but you're a good guy.

"Yeah, it'll be good." I feel responsible for you being here in the middle of the world's biggest balls up.

"You all right? I mean . . . all this wasn't on the holiday brochure." You were actually pretty steady about the whole thing, not like that pussy Urban. Thought he had more stones than that. But you could be having a delayed reaction.

Faramir: I am not sure what a 'brochure' is, but your questions intent is understood. "I am fine, thank you, Jed. I admit I was nervous about the inquest, as I am not accustomed to being questioned in front of other... New Zealanders" Not a lie, at that. I am used to keeping low to the ground in your world, even if I am unable to do so in my own. "I am relieved that it is all over, and that those close to Dylan will be able to say their private farewells to him."

"And what of you? I can barely clench my fists after that last parry with you. Were you giving a good performance, or finding a way to... " How to word it? "A way to ease your grief? It is a good outlet, letting your body work itself hard."

Jed: Shit, I guess I wasn't concentrating again. And I'm convinced that you're a pro from somewhere. Probably a good thing my scenes were with you today, cause you handled me just bonzer.

"Sorry, didn't mean to come over so hard. Things on my mind, you know. Not Dylan so much, barely knew the kid. But yeah, his death hurts somehow."

Because I'm afraid that what sucked him under will do the same to me. Will I look in the mirror some day and I hate what I see so much that death seems like a better bet?

Faramir: "No apology is necessary, Jed. I am unharmed. In fact, if it would help, I am willing to spar a few rounds with you still... though I do not know how long my knees would resist buckling." The trailer is now deserted save for us, and I take a seat as we talk, indicating to you that I am listening and in no hurry to rush off until you are ready.

"Even though you barely knew him, he has been a part of what brings us all here. We are all in this venture together. Could this be why you are bothered by what he did to himself?"

Jed: I sit down, though my body feels restless, thrumming with tension. I try to pin down what’s got me so freaked.

“They say suicide is contagious, ya know. Schools and such . . . flip their panties when an ankle-biter does himself.”

That’s Dylan’s legacy, I suppose. That we’ve all seen it, know it’s possible now. Before, the bloody idea was too outrageous, but now we all know how it works. And I have an uneasy feeling that I know what was in his head that night, because he’d said some things that I’ve thought before. But the mirror . . . that gives me cold sweats.

“I heard . . . that the chair . . . in front of the mirror . . . had blood on it. That he sat in the chair and watched himself being murdered, by his own hand.”

Faramir: I am about to ask you why ankle-biting is taught in your schools, half-knowing it is not to be taken literally, but wishing to add a bit of lightness to the conversation, when you continue, and all thought of cheer whisks away as if on a chill wind.

I have seen more than I care to of battle and the effects on soldiers in my time, but your words send a shiver up my spine. "Indeed, he was seated in front of the mirror when he took his own life. Why do you use that word, for one that sought his own end? Is not murder inflicted upon another, an innocent?"

Jed: So you’re not a Catholic then. Sometimes you make no bloody sense. You talk like an educated man, but you’ve got no trace of some things.

“Religion, you know . . . can’t get away from my upbringing.” And you’re still looking blank. I sigh. “Catholics believe it’s a sin to commit suicide, that it’s no less murder because you’re taking your own life.”

“Fuck, I imagine him watching himself die.” I shudder. “Gives me the jib-jabs.”

I narrow my eyes at you, deciding to dope this out. “You seem pretty bloody calm about the whole thing. Why’s that? Gizza clue.”

Faramir: I have seen Catholic temples in Wellington, so at least I understand that this is a religion. I know that such teachings can influence a person greatly, and so I take to heart how much this manner of death must be affecting you.

"I may seem calm, Jed, but do not mistake that for not being upset about this. We have been deprived of a friend, and perhaps there were great deeds awaiting Dylan in his future, but now we will never know. I feel a sadness inside for the loss."

But I know I do not answer your question, and you deserve that much. "I have seen much of death in my life. I suppose I have grown a bit jaded to it, though certainly not by choice. Every death is a meaningful one, no matter how it happens."

Jed: You must be one of the Buddhists, I decide. Some bloke who preaches calm and acceptance.

"Death doesn't mean shit. Just means you're fucking done, over."

How many times have I said to myself that I wouldn't survive Glory taking the kids away? I'll have to be more careful what I say, cause I don't wanna bloody end up like Dylan some day, thinking there's no other option.

I didn't mean to snap at you though. "Sorry, mate. You're right, this whole boohai sucks arse."

Faramir: "It is all right, Jed. I know you are not angry with me." I swear to myself that I will find a way to learn the meanings of Jed's colorful language, if only to understand my friend better. And, it does have a certain flair to it, seems quite useful to express one's self, especially under duress.

"While death indeed is a boohai, and to those of us who live it sucks ass, we cannot know for certain what lies beyond. Perhaps nothing. Perhaps something amazing. Strange and wonderful things lie just out of view, even in this world. Death may yet hold its secrets as well." I am starting to expound and cut myself short. "But enough of mysteries unknown. You are right to be angry at death, when it comes to one too young to be ready."

Jed: Am I angry at death? Just fuckin’ angry, I think, at all the bullshit in this weary world. I just need to calm the hell down . . . I've hurt Karl and broke Rangi's arm because my anger is out of control. Dylan's death is just one more thing.

Maybe I should learn some of your calm. I smile at you. "I think I'll go bush when this film is over. Get away from all the crap, get some peace. Meanwhile, you can teach me some of that acceptance thing you've go going on."

Faramir: "I am not sure I can teach acceptance. It is a personal feeling that grows from within. But. I will tell you a secret. Whenever I can, I go to the woods, by myself. I like being able to leave all my duties and cares behind, and simply rest and survive on what my hands can bring me." I return your smile in kind. "It would seem we are more alike that we thought."

Jed: I snort at that. “So you hooked on this bonzer business yet? We’ll have to get you listed in the New Zealand Stunt Guild. Get you lots of work that way.”

I hop to my feet, unable to stay still any longer, not wanting to think about death and despair any more. I dig out my keys and toss them from hand to hand. “You ready for some kai? I’m fair about to expire.”

Faramir: I chuckle as I rummage around for my jacket. "I think it is a fascinating business and a good way to earn your way while staying in good shape, but I do not think I will make a career of it. I have... other interests and obligations. But I am very glad to have this chance to see what is involved in the making of movies, and to be here with you and Karl and the others. In spite of the troubles, I will take away good memories of this time. Now come, let me get you some dinner! You're skinny enough I may buy you two meals."